Thursday, March 10, 2011

owning it.

At dinner tonight I told Andy how it had hit me as I was doing laundry today (somewhere around the 5th load, i think) that I am now truly A Legitimate Housewife. The calls of "Oh Momma!!" that jar me from my dreams every morning are the sound of my alarm. And my feet hitting the floor is me punching my time card. In other words, It's on.

The rest of the day is filled with the seemingly never-ending array of chores. Menial tasks that I could SERIOUSLY do without, like picking up discarded clothes off the floor, loading/unloading/loading/unloading the dishwasher, and breaking up the cage matches playfights between Jack and Fiona.

And then,
of course,
there are all those other little priceless moments that only I get to enjoy: Getting Jack's early morning sleepy smell all to myself, being privy to his thoughts and questions all. day. long. :) and being able to squeeze in a few tiny moments of peace for myself to be able to meditate and listen to what God wants me to do next -(sometimes these get pushed to the wayside, but it has become very clear to me just how important they are for my everyone's happiness!)

I've battled a lot lately with feeling worthless. What do I contribute? Why am I not out there being Fabulous all over town? What do people think of me? Ugh... such gross feelings. I've felt all jumbled up inside. Bombarded with self-doubt and unloving feelings toward myself. And then.... I just had to snap myself out of it. Realize that I MUST get over this awful ugly monster. Like over it for good. And really get it through to the heart of me that I DON'T have to live to impress! My work is good! I'm good enough, smart enough and doggonit...... just kiddin). But above all, my happiness/peace/fulfillment doesn't rest in finding success in this world.

It's so hard to keep a pure heart, free of pride and self. To just listen and be. But I'm working on it everyday.

And so, I am feeling good in this role of Housewife and Mother (and cage fighting ref) for as long as God wants me to. This is my time to really know myself, find peace (often the hard way) and as my Mama Faye would say be a helpmeet for Andy. I wonder how many women's lib peeps out there gagged while reading this?
Sorry bout that. Haaaha
Oh, well... :)


Jennifer said...

So proud of you li' sis. You are doing the most important job in the world and that is being a mom... a fabulous mom. And the fruit of your labor will be the amazing man that Jack will grow up to be.. (fruit of yours and Andy's that is.) But you are doing it. YOU are living the dream that so many women dream but won't admit. You are devoted, 100%, to your man, your child, your home.. but above all of that.. to God. Keep on, girl.

Christy said...

Thanks, seester!
You have been an inspiration to me. You're a wonderful mom!

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything Jennifer said but would like to add one are an amazing friend too!! You've got it going on girlfriend!! You are an amazing wife and mother. A wonderful daughter and sister. A totally cool aunt. A fantastic friend. You are such a loving support to so many people! No amount of $, or awards, or earthly materials, or job, or thing could replace the seeds you are sewing now. You are made in the image of perfection. You are exactly where you are meant to be doing exactly what you are meant to do. You are you. You are classy. You are smart. You are hilarious. You've got style. You've got grace.
Too much?
Never get down on my girl! You are fabulous!!!!!!!!! Love ;)

Dana said...

I've yet to find a more challenging job (not that I've really been looking) than being the mother of a precocious child (or children.) I understand the tendency toward feeling "worthless," then I think, "Who could do as good a job at raising MY kid than ME?" That's right. NOBODY.
You rock. That is all.

Beyond Blessed in GA said...

You are doing the most important thing you could possibly be doing. You are building and fostering a legacy of love, gentleness, fun, faithfulness, ethics, and on and on and on that will outlive you, to generations and generations after you and Andy have left this earth. (Deut 7:9) It can be so hard, like you said "menial", I think the dishawasher gets to me most; over and over and over, and again tomorrow LOL! But being there for all that little stuff, opportunities to, little by little, mold our children is truly priceless, as you know. As your sister said, the fruits of your labor will be evident, and already are.

It can be hard to cling to God's plans for us in this fallen world where nearly everywhere you turn people want to discount the simple plan God laid out for families. And it is so refreshing to see other mom's doing just that. Thanks for posting Christy. Hope you guys are doing well!

Christy said...

Thank you all for those awesome words of love, encouragement, inspiration, etc... I really appreciate it all. So sweet.

homemade grits said...

aw baby gurl! oh the pressure we put on ourselves. you are such a beautiful and fun mama to jack and wonderful wife to andy. doggonit that's good enough for me! you are the best. you are such a great cook and your house is always spotless and you're fun and you always look beautiful. don't be so hard on yourself (need to look in the mirror and say that to myself too)! miss you and want to see you soon...

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