ew.

So...

Apparently I look like this gal:

That is... According to the new creepy old man OBGYN I saw today! Gag! And gag! He was adamant and spared no detail of how hot he was for Linda Ronstadt back in the day.
All this, and then the stirrups?
Seriously. I was bothered.


Flirting+Speculum=Gross

say what????

Coo-koo doesn't even begin to cover it. Last night whilst channel surfing I came across a documentary on the BBC. Within seconds, I knew there was no way I would be able to change the channel... even though I so desperately wanted to. The topic was just too bizarre not to watch.

The name of the documentary: I Married the Eiffel Tower. It explored the lives of several women that call themselves "Objectum Sexuals" who have intimate long-term relationships with objects. Yes, like, they have sex with them and stuff. They talk to them (and the objects talk back using telepathy). There was one who was completely obsessed with an amusement park ride, a church banister, a pipe organ, the empire state building, and the twin towers. The other women they profiled first fell in love with a bow (like the archery kind.) named "Lance" which she actually went on to become a world champion archer with... attributing it to their strong intimate connection, then moved on to the Berlin wall, and finally ended by marrying the Eiffel Tower.

I am telling you right now that I was literally on the edge of my seat with one eye open and one closed, willing myself to stop watching.... but I just couldn't. It was and is the strangest thing I have ever heard of in my life! I mean, I just can't get my head around it! Has anyone else ever heard of this??? Crazy! Ca-Ra-Zy!

You have GOT to watch this if you get a chance.... it's just.... just..... friggin' crazy!

I seem to be a weirdo magnet.

Here's what happened...

I was at my local Kroger today, preparing to do a little shopping, like I do. As I was getting Jack out of the back, a man walked up, apparently trying to get into his vehicle which was parked next to mine. I was in his way as I had the door open and was fumbling with car seat belts, hence blocking his driver-side door.

I said, "Oh, I'm sorry." And started to move hurriedly.
The man, who by this time I had noticed was very elderly, replied in a very gruff voice, "That's aight, that's aight... you c'n git the child out..."

I smiled, and proceeded scooping Jack up and closing the door.

Abruptly, the man growled, "You need a new car, though." Bewildered, I inquired as to why, clearly not following...
and then he said, "It's a Japanese car! A Toyota."


"Well," I smiled back as I started edging away,
"I really like it."

"I didn't ask you how you liked it..." He sneered. "Are you NOT aware that it was dem Japs that bombed us back at Pearl Harbor and killed thousands and thousands of Americans back in WWII!!??!?!"
(It was at this point that I noticed his "WWII Vet" cap and numerous pins and flags. eek.)

I tensely responded that, Yes, I was in fact aware of WWII.

"Then why'd you buy it?!"

"Well, I guess that was my decision." I said as I turned away.

"Well, it was a bad one!" He yelled after me.

I didn't turn around but responded with a "Have a NICE day!" and trucked on...

As I made it to the bank of carts in front of the store, I glanced back, only to see him STILL standing in the same spot, glaring at me. This was very unnerving to say the least. My first thought was that he must be doing some kind of vandalism to my precious Matrix. I got Jack strapped in, and kept giving furtive glances in his direction, until finally I saw him in his FORD, pulling out of his spot. Just as I was about to enter the store, I heard a loud 5 second car horn only to turn and see the man sitting at the stop sign in front of the passenger crossing. His window was down, and as he turned he glared at me and spit, that's right! SPIT on the ground! In a "I spit in your face" sorta way.

Stunned, I continued into the store. Unbelieving of what had just transpired.

Wow. Wow. Um..... Seriously? I ran over about a hundred things I wished I would have said to that poor old thing. None of them were Christian. It was a funny afternoon. I mean, I'm just a cute little mom with a cute little boy... you pick me to harass...? weird. weird.

What would you have said in my place? Have you ever been harassed for no apparent reason???

Tell me so I can laugh, instead of the alternative...

I had a dream

I had a dream last night that I was really good friends with Barack Obama. We were walking around, and all these people kept coming up to him and wanting to shake his hand and ask him questions, and he just kept turning to me, as if to see if it was OK or whatever, and he kept asking me if I cared that he was changing my home state's name from Alabama to AlObama???.. Truely. .... It was a weird dream, and, I think, worth a mention.