Friday, April 24, 2009

Taking Over the Cottage: the husband edition

Greetings In The Cottage Readers,

I am The Husband. As of 9pm EST, I have taken full control of this blog and will be posting the first of many articles entitled "Stuff To Use During Love Yearning" (or "STUDLY") . Considering the vast number of male readers for this blog,(insert sarcasm) I would expect that my contribution will be more and more requested, until I finally assume full-time control of this web log.

This evening, I will share with you the fine art of culinary seduction. This is a particular strength of mine and I am pleased to share my valuable techniques with the masses. (OK, so truth be told this is the first meal I've cooked in 5 years...)

I chose to entice the fair lady's taste buds with a delicious dish of Shrimp and Grits. This proved to be an effective choice as 1) Christy loves Shrimp and Grits, and 2) Christy likes to drink lots of wine. Honestly, I think I could have just picked up a sack of Krystals and as long as I still brought home the vino, the mission would still be accomplished.... But I digress.

So gentlemen, please direct your attention to the following graphics which will detail the creation of this fine dish...



To begin, one requires a bit o' pork. That is, one cup of Canadian bacon....
...diced that is.
You should cook the pork cubes on medium heat for 5 minutes. This also proves ample time to serve her the first glass of wine.
As she chugs the first glass, prepare 2 cups of peppers. Being a cheap-ass, I chose the $1.95, manager's discount fajita mix from Kroger that expired yesterday. Add this to the pork and cook for 10 more minutes...
Next, drain a 16 oz can of diced tomatoes and green chilies and add it to the mix. Cook an additional 5 minutes...
Now, you will add some shrimp (1.5 lbs, raw, deveined and peeled).... I used marginally thawed frozen shrimp and cooked it for a total of 6 minutes. Basically, cook it until they turn pink.... not too much now! At last, you can add a cup of diced green onions and keep it warm while you cook up the love butter, I mean, cheese grits.
Now, you'll need a medium saucepan, 1 & 2/3 cups of non-fat milk...
....16 oz of reduced sodium, fat free chicken broth...
...one cup of quick grits...
...and one cup of sharp cheddar cheese...
Bring the broth and milk to a boil. Reduce heat, stir in the grits, cook on low for 5 minutes, stir in cheese...
.... throw some of this on top...
....make your child a PBJ...
....open the next bottle of wine and you have successfully guaranteed a weekend of sweet wifery.


Cost:
Shrimp: $10
Grits $1
Broth $1
Cheese $2
Peppers $2
Green Onions $2
Canadian Bacon $3
Rotel $1
Milk $1
Wine $10
TOTAL $33...
(and the points scored with the wifey: Priceless.)

Gentlemen, don't forget: To keep it STUDLY, pour the bubbly!
...
NEXT TIME: How to appear to do yard work while actually doing nothing at all.

1 comment:

Jennifer Cummings Sewell said...

OMG!!! I am laughing and my stomach hurts... no pilates needed this weekend. Encore, Encore!!!

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