Monday, March 16, 2009

Time is (not) on my side.

Ok... so I know I said I wouldn't be posting again until I had some new baby pictures to share... but that little friend has decided to be fashionably late, so I will take the opportunity to do a little blog-ranting.

Time. Time. Time goes by... Sometimes it's unbearably slow. Sometimes it flies. Because I simultaneously procrastinate and need instant gratification, time is often something that I am in constant struggle with. When I make up my mind to do something I want to do it RIGHT NOW, and if my plans cannot come to fruition fast enough... I usually end up abandoning them all together. I hate this about me. My procrastinating side leads me to make plans, set goals, talk a big game about what I intend on accomplishing at that Oh-So-Perfect time in the future... it rarely ever happens. I must learn that the perfect time does not exist.
There is now. And never.

I wish that I wasn't such a creature of habit. That change was easier for me, and that I didn't fear the unknown so much. I want to be friends with time, flow with it, change with it, embrace it. Time is not waiting for me, so why would I be waiting for it? I'm ready to be that fabulous person that I keep waiting to become. I think one of my main problems is telling lies... to myself, that is. "I'm going to start exercising." -yeah, right! Just as we learn who we can and cannot trust in other people.
I have learned not to trust myself, and the promises I make to myself. I have to get my own good opinion back.

...And so, I am vowing to really try and end this cycle. To live in the now. Embrace each day and do with it what I can. In short to be friends with time.

Pray for me.


Jennifer Sewell said...

Very eloquently written... however, you are WAY too hard on yourself. You are a highly capable woman and you are an example to all of us!

I wish I could be more like you.

eitak said...

ummm i already think you are a fabulous person!

In The Cottage said...

Thanks, sisters! I love you both!

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